Thursday, September 8, 2011

the one where my imaginary boyfriend beat me...

So it's Thursday and for some reason in my mind I'm still living it up like it's labor day weekend.
With that being said, I'm going to forgo the weekend recap and move on to today's shenanigans because honestly life has become a reality tv show. 
Just know that this weekend was a total blur of:
-a high school football game where some parent may or may not have called us out on sneaking in whiskey...and then asked for a drink.
*Lakeside GO RAMS!*
-the blues festival in downtown Hot Springs where meg and I were the only people under the age of 40
-the lake... all day erry day
-a boat full of gay men who I repeatedly told "I love your water panties!"
-beer...lots and lots of beer

and.... these...
Yes ya'll...these are my legs.
Yes ya'll... these are horrible bruises on my legs.
Now before you excuse yourself from your computer because of my hideous deformation please know that I could enter the Guinness Book of World Records for 'easiest bruiser on the planet'...seriously.
Buuuut after a weekend on the lake and living like there's no tomorrow, this is what happens to me.

With all of this being said...I bring you the events of today.
It is known if you've read my blog lately that I frequent a nail salon of some of the most forward Vietnamese people I have ever come in contact with.  If you have no idea PLEASE refer to this post so you're all caught up.

So I go into the nail salon today because lets be honest...if my legs are lookin that big of a mess you can only imagine how my nails are doing... and my usual peeps Andy and Sandy greet me at the door.
I'm wearing pants because I don't want to terrify small children so when I go to get my pedi I sit in the chair and roll up my pants leg... and the story goes a little something like this:

Sandy (Pointing at my legs and gasping so everyone in the place stares at me): Ohhh No!! What happen!!
Me: Oh you know, a weekend of fun on the lake.  I bruise easy it's okay.
Sandy: Andy!! Come look! Look her leg!! Boyfriend beat her!!
Me: Oh NO NO that's not what happened at ALL... 
Andy (completely cutting me of): Ohhh now I see why you have no boyfriend... he beat you, you leave him...yayyy! (clapping his hands)
Me: No... No boyfriend did this... No one did this! I was on the lake all weekend! I bruise easy....
Andy and Sandy: *Talking to eachother in Vietnamese language completely ignoring me*
Me: I just have to be more careful next time (trying to laugh it off and move the heck on with my pedicure)
Andy(walking away): You be more careful, get better boyfriend next time be more careful.
Me:........ Yeah so, I'll have the pink on my toes....

So now not only do I not have a boyfriend... I have an imaginary boyfriend that beats me...on the shins and nowhere else.

I would really stop going to this nail place...but seriously I walk out with stories of gold every time.  
They're like crack with their crazy.

All in all I had an awesome Labor day holiday and a story filled mani/pedi today! 


Allison Davis said...

hahahaha! those bruises are terrible, but your nail salon stories are hilarious!!! I LOVE your blog!!!

Holly said...

Hahahahahaha oh my gosh girl that's way too funny!!! Sorry about your bruises though :-[ not fun!! Glad you've had a good weekend I've missed ya!

Amber said...

Love your nail salon stories! Too funny girl! (Not the bruises of course)

Lauren said...

Geez! Those people are nuts! I would stay just for the stories as well! :)

Stephanie said...

Love your time at the nail salon! It always makes me so uncomfortable when they start speaking in vietnamese... at least they told you to your face they thought your "bf" was beating you ;) HA HA!

Happy weekend!

XOXO, Stephanie @ Blonde Highlights

P.J. said...

I was looking around the net for different blogs and came across yours as I loved the name of it. ...

... and ended up seeing this interesting story. Quite crazy!