Monday, December 31, 2012

Dear 2012, peace out girl scout.

New Year's is a very interesting time.
It's a time where I always promise myself to get down to my original weight of 8lbs 7oz.
It's time to think back on the things you've done the past 365 days
 (265 if you're a real housewife), 
assess your life situation, and see where you can improve in the next 365 days. 

The past year has given me a lot of firsts.
First year to live in Houston.
First year to jump out of a plane.
First year to fall in love with Honey Boo Boo.
First year to get a job, lose a job, and get another job.
First year to survive a Myan apocalypse.
First year to have my car broken into.
First year to have my car broken into again.

It's been a ride, ya'll.

So here's to 2013 and parking my car in safer spots.

I hope 2013 brings me another year of firsts and lots of adventures! 
We aren't getting younger, ya'll.

In the words of my too cool for school parents, 

So bye bye 2012.
It's been real.
It's been fun.
But it hasn't been real fun.

Let's do this, 2013!
Happy New Year, Ya'll!!


Friday, December 28, 2012

I've completely lost the concept of time

I've been at my parents house for over a week now.  
I don't know what it is about this place that makes me lose all sense of reality and time.
What day is it? What time is it? 

Sometimes it's nice to just go home and forget about the rest of the world....
and when you live far enough out to have these friends in your front yard, forgetting about everyone and everything else isn't that hard.

Christmas sure came and went in a hurry, didn't it?

Did Santa bring you everything you wanted?
I racked up on the goods yesterday.
My mother Santa, bless her his heart, apparently has never met me because she he just 'doesn't know what I like' so she he prefers taking me shopping for Christmas goodies.

The gift that keeps on giving right here...

I loaded up on half off Christmas decor for our new house next year and found these two cuties that I just couldn't resist!

I hope you all had a great Christmas Holiday! 
See ya next year!

Friday, December 21, 2012

dear santa

If you're new around here then you probably don't know that I typically dedicate my Friday letters to anyone and everyone who's blown my mind up in the world during the past week.
No one is having a bigger week than Santa, so I thought I'd dedicate my entire letters post to him.

You're welcome.

Dear Santa,
What's up big guy? It's me, Sarah. Here's a pic from better years to jog your memory
I know this is your busy season (obvs), but since you've been watching me sleep this past year (creep), I think you can take the time to listen to me for a bit. 
You've been flooded with notes from all over the world asking you for presents that people want, but I think you can take the time to check my list twice and bring me some of the things I'm wishing for on Tuesday. You got it right with the "beddy bye Earnie" so I have faith that you can prevail again. 

1. Driving lessons for the residents of Houston, TX.
I risk my life on the daily driving in this town.  People go too fast, people go too slow, people are just idiots, Santa and I'm having a hard time dealing with it and maintaining my Christian values. Which brings me to my next item...

2. Patience for people who probably don't deserve it
I don't know if it's my old age or the fact that I just don't really care that much anymore, but people kind of do get on my last nerve.  Just when I start to give up on humanity as a whole, there's one lovely Godsend shining bright like a diamond amongst the coal-people and my faith is restored.  Thank you diamond-people, thank you.

3. A diet that works and doesn't make me want to kill myself
BREAKING NEWS: this girl loves to eat.  And by eat, I mean don't eat anything during the day and then binge at night like Lindsay Lohan on a coke binder.
This is definitely the worst thing I could ever do if I'm trying to lose weight.  Do I realize this, yes.  Does this stop me, obviously not.
So Santa, be a doll and just make me skinny forever.  Thanks. 

4. A job that I actually enjoy
This is the big one, Santa.  The one that's just too big to wrap.  I'm putting all of my eggs in this basket (never understood that phrase btw) and counting on you to find me a job.  That's how everyone else is doing it, right?


5. A money tree in the back yard of John and I's new house.
But not this one because it's terrifying
So Santa, it's easy.  Just give me these simple things, and things will be cool.
And you want to be cool, Santa. 
I'm counting on you; don't let this big girl down.

Merry Christmas!


Wednesday, December 19, 2012

twas the pinning before Christmas

It was Wednesday before Christmas and amidst all the fun,
Sarah decided she would go for a run

When she was done, she thought she was dead
So she decided to go take a nap in this bed

When she awoke her phone was making a clatter
she accidentally knocked it on the floor hearing it splatter

"Oh no, how will I instagram now?!" She boasted,
Then quickly took a picture of the toast she just toasted.
Source: via Sarah on Pinterest

It was only 10:30, and her day was already a mess,
at least she'd look cute in these boots and this dress
Source: via Sarah on Pinterest

Lunch time approached, and she was hungry for the greasy pizzeria,
but she held strong, said a prayer, and made her own pizzadilla
Source: via Sarah on Pinterest

Soon it was night and Sarah had a party to attend,
she knew she would shine in this cozy sparkle trend

Then Wednesday was over and her pins were all done,
but apparently the world was ending,  so she was going to have some fun!

So lets all celebrate life, go on have a ball,
and until next time, 'have a great day, ya'll!!"


Tuesday, December 18, 2012

day of silence

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14


Thursday, December 13, 2012

kids say the darndest things

I've been sitting here all day putting off writing this post.
Just like I've been putting off FOR 3 MONTHS cleaning this house, until Tuesday when I just threw my hands in the air waved them like i just didn't care and got to business scrubbing every dog hair outta this mug. 
And no, the 3 months comment was not an exaggeration.
I'm a disgusting human being... and Cash's dog hair... I can't even...

But I'm here writing you because I actually have something to say!
This week marks a change.
A "Sarah actually got off her butt and did something important" change.
This week I started molding young minds.

I was a little nervous Monday morning before my first day. But then I thought to myself, "Self, you've taught High School for a year.  You've got this. Piece of cake."

If High School is scary, Middle School is Al Qaeda. 
Eleven year-olds who don't understand whats happening to their bodies but they just know they want to touch the person next to them.
Boys who throw girls backpacks across the room because they dont like them.
Girls who write notes folded into origami shapes about those boys who threw their backpack across the room because one day they'll be married to that boy and those origami notes would be perfectly pinteresting at their wedding.
These, my friends, are the most terrifying people on earth.
And while they are mind blowinly scary, they're also just mind blowing in general.

Here's some of the conversations over the past couple of days:

Student: Are those your real eyes?
Me: What do you mean 'are these my real eyes'?
Student: I mean are those like, contacts? I've never seen that color.
Me: No. They're just my eyes. They're green.

Student: Is that your real hair?
Me: What?
Student: Its just... so, soft looking.
Me: Yes.  This is my hair.

Student: How old are you?
Me: How old do you think I am?
Student: Uh... 21?
Me: In my heart yes, in reality no.
Student: What?

And the best of all:

Student: Are you married?
Me: No.
Student: Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: Yes.
Student: Have you been together for a long time?
Me: Yes.
Student: Longer than a year?
Me: Yes.
Student (horrified): And you aren't married?!
Me: No.
Student: Wow ms. You should probably break up with him.  Sounds like he has commitment issues. 

These kids may be smarter than I give them credit for.

I've definitely learned that I am not cut out for the younger kids.
High Schoolers... sure, they're little balls of terror in themselves, but at least they get my jokes and laugh at them.

That's all I need. 


Friday, December 7, 2012

Oh, Friday

Oh, Friday.  
How slow you take to get here and how fast you leave.

Today I'll be out running errands like getting my nails did, washing my car, buying white elephant gifts for a tacky sweater party tomorrow, buying a tacky sweater for a tacky sweater party tomorrow, and buying groceries to make goodies for the tacky sweater party tomorrow...

Did I mention I'm going to a tacky sweater party tomorrow?

Whew, I'm already worn out.

I'm keeping it short and sweet today because this girl has some things to do!
Before I leave you, you know I have to go out with a funny!

A friend from High School asked Wal-Mart to make a non gender specific cake for December birthdays at her work.
This is what they gave her...
Bless their hearts!
(and no that isn't a joke... wal-mart really did make this cake for someone I know)


I hope ya'll have a wonderful Friday!


Thursday, December 6, 2012

your life is now

I want to start today by bragging on myself a little (if I may)... like I was saying in this post on Monday, I've been feeling anything but cute lately. 
My clothes aren't fitting right anymore and no matter how much I try to tell myself that I can still stuff my body into those size 6s, the fact is that you can see the indentation of every seam on my body when I take them off and it's truly awful. 
So Monday I woke up determined to make a change and start being happy with myself again... because if you don't love you, why should anyone else?
I've started the couch to 5k program and am determined to stick with it.
No matter how much my mind tells me no, my body tells me yeahhhh
(R. Kelly, anyone?)
Check it out ya'll! 
This is from yesterday.
And the fact that I'm so excited about this lets you know just how much of a runner I am NOT.
I read this post the other day from a fellow Houstonian Amy. She could not be more right.  Why wait until January to make a resolution?

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

pinnin it

Lets just jump right into it...

I hate cats, but LOVE grumpy cat... look at that miserable face!
Source: via Sarah on Pinterest

"I can't hear you"

Thou without sin, cast the first stone.
Source: via Sarah on Pinterest

Love the mirror and the extra seating

bucket list!
Source: via Sarah on Pinterest

I live for creative people.... this is so so funny to me

And no, I'm not lego my prego, I just thought it was hilarious and creative!

Hope ya'll have a great Wednesday!


Monday, December 3, 2012

it's December?!?!

Just when you think you have plenty of time to slim down before slipping into that cocktail dress for New Years, the clock hits Midnight, you realize that it's already December...and you still look like a whale. 
After a wedding weekend where I felt like a bag of potatoes stuffed into my dress
(this picture is an optical illusion), I went to bed determined to wake up early this morning and boost my metabolism by restarting the Couch to 5k program for the 14th time today.
So here's how today's gone so far...
5:45: alarm goes off... I roll over and immediately start shouting 'noooo!!!' in my mind
6:00: drag myself out of bed and put on running clothes while John feeds Cash
6:05: let Cash outside after he eats, only to realize that its POURING DOWN RAIN.

Awful...just awful.

I didn't get to run outside. 
Whomp whomp.

So John made us do pushups, situps, wall sits, planks, and squats instead.

One day at a time, right? Hopefully the sky will clear up later and Cash and I can still go for that run... big girl needs to move it! 
Everyone wants a hippopotamus for Christmas, but no one wants to BE a hippopotamus for Christmas.

I hope ya'll had a great weekend and have a great Monday!!


Friday, November 30, 2012

to whom it may concern

Dear Jessica Simpson, 
Bless your heart, sister! I would hate the world if I just lost 70 pounds and then got pregnant...again... not even a year after having a baby. Oh well, bring on the twitpics of bacon and ice cream.

Dear Matthew McConaughey,
For the love of God, eat something! You are terrifying to look at. You aren't a great actor. Please stop starving yourself for this role, and go back to making mediocre romantic comedies. 

Dear Melissa Rycroft,
I don't watch Dancing with the Stars, but when I saw you on Good Morning America, I thought it was so strange that you were so skinny and yet still had a little muffin top...until I realized your "muffin top" was in fact your protruding hip bones.  Well played, girlfriend, well played. 

Dear Lindsay Lohan,
You, my dear, are a train wreck. Head hung low, Lindsay Lohan stumbles over to her 'days without arrest' board, wipes board with a dirty hand, writes '1', sighs heavily.