Friday, November 30, 2012

to whom it may concern

Dear Jessica Simpson, 
Bless your heart, sister! I would hate the world if I just lost 70 pounds and then got pregnant...again... not even a year after having a baby. Oh well, bring on the twitpics of bacon and ice cream.

Dear Matthew McConaughey,
For the love of God, eat something! You are terrifying to look at. You aren't a great actor. Please stop starving yourself for this role, and go back to making mediocre romantic comedies. 

Dear Melissa Rycroft,
I don't watch Dancing with the Stars, but when I saw you on Good Morning America, I thought it was so strange that you were so skinny and yet still had a little muffin top...until I realized your "muffin top" was in fact your protruding hip bones.  Well played, girlfriend, well played. 

Dear Lindsay Lohan,
You, my dear, are a train wreck. Head hung low, Lindsay Lohan stumbles over to her 'days without arrest' board, wipes board with a dirty hand, writes '1', sighs heavily.



Shug in Boots {Beth} said...

this may be the best friday's letters ever.

j. simpson. wow. how ironic. and you are right, bless her heart.

matthew makes me nauseous. his role in magic mike was exactly the kind of prick i imagine him to be in real life, and i think his southern accent is a taaaad forced.

and lindsey. pleassssssse. going back to a commoner would be the best thing for her. siiiiiiiick of hearing about her.

Courtney Cakes said...

I said almost the same thing about Jessica Simpson. If I was her I'd just give up and be fat. :)

The Pink Growl said...

Oh LiLo can sure make a girl feel good about her life! haha bless all their hearts!

Alexa said...

Just laughed SO hard at this post! So funny! Love it :)


Brooke said...

Oh my gosh, Matthew ! He looks awful!!!

Lauren said...

Poor Lindsey, she IS a mess! I wish she was back to her Parent Trap days!