Dear Life,

Dear guy at the park,
Thank you for the laugh I had over your cell phone ring-tone.  Frankly I forgot they still sold ring-tones and it was nice to be nostalgic for a while.  The fact that you are pushing 50 and have "The Thong Song" as your go-to makes me either love you, or terrified of you...I can't decide.  Bless you, either way.

Dear Mr./Mrs. Squirrel,
I am so sorry that Cash tried to eat you, and by tried I mean had you in his mouth. In all fairness, you provoked him by only climbing halfway up the tree before turning around and acting all tough to his face.  You are welcome for grabbing him and releasing you to go live your life with your squirrel family.  I hope you take this as a lesson that life is a blessing and tomorrow is not promised, not even for squirrels...and always remember #YOLO.

Dear lady grunting at the gym,
Stop. Seriously.  Your 7lb weights aren't fooling anyone and your circa 1985 Jane Fonda attire isn't doing you any favors.  Love you girl, but no.

Dear dirty house,
I hate you.  There, I said it.  Yesterday I finally cleaned you.  Please stay that way.

Dear John,
Take me on a date. I'm kidding...okay no I'm not, take me on a date.

Dear Marisa Miller,

Lets trade bodies...I'm young and I'm sure you could take what I give you and bring it up to par in no time.  Think of it as a 'flip' project, except there's no house and you probably won't make any money in the long run. Deal?


Well that's about all for now... I could probably go on forever, but I'll save myself the embarrassment and you the trouble.  Until next time...