Tuesday, August 7, 2012

my boyfriend makes me sound like a weirdo: "if you really knew me"

I think by now pretty much everyone has seen these "if you really knew me" posts around the blogoverse.  I thought since I've gained a few new followers lately (whaddup ya'll?!) I'd dish out a little "if you really knew me" post of my own so ya'll could get a better idea of the girl behind this blog.
I also thought I'd get some input from a guy who I spend 95% of my time with on a daily basis.
My comments are in RED his are in BLUE.

If you really knew me...
...you'd know that I have a voice thats a mixture of Fergie and Jesus. No, but seriously, this girl can sing. But don't ask me to or i'll look into your soul and kill your first born 
*um...not true, but yes I get really shy when people ask me to sing*

...you'd know that I have several irrational fears such as mascots (or anyone wearing a mask--Halloween is my version of hell) and driving off a bridge into some body of water. 

...you'd know that I never met my Grandfathers and I've lost both Grandmothers and miss them terribly.

...you'd know that I just got a job as an Event Planner/ New Media Coordinator and I lurves it!

...you'd know that I have a board on Pinterest named "party inspiration" thats really a disguise for a wedding inspiration board so I don't freak John out.... Even though I know about it

...you'd know that I'm super insecure and care entirely too much what people think about me.

...you'd know that I'm hilarious. (obviously)

...you'd know that John is the only boyfriend I've ever had and I think I'll keep him around.

...you'd know that I know more about football than I do about hair, makeup and jewelry combined.

...you'd know that I am terrified of death, not so much for myself, but for the people around me that I love.  So scared to the point that I can make myself cry thinking about it... (this is for sure how I'd win an Emmy).

Now, I asked John for some examples of "if you really knew me"  because I like to think that he 
"really knows me"... here's the things he came up with, most of which are RUDE and UNTRUE: 

She has an irrational joy of organizing, planning, and making sure everything has a place or is on a list....it blows my mind. She will put things that's she already done on a list just so she can cross it off
Um...this is totally normal. Who wants a 'to-do' list without anything already crossed off? 

She thinks that because I am in oil and gas we can afford a 750K home
This is simply untrue... it's not because you're in oil and gas, it's because I'm a princess.

She wants a cushion cut ring with little diamonds surrounding it all the way around....yea I do listen sometimes
Well, where is this ring then?

She hates having a dirty house....Mr. Cash does not help this situation
The struggle between the dirtyness and my laziness overwhelms me on a daily basis. 

She stresses out over very weird things that couldn't bother me less....like that I hang my clothes in the guest room instead of our bedroom. Because in her mind, that's not where "they live"....Sarah, inanimate objects will live where ever the hell I leave them, that is all. 
First off, get over yourself. Second, your clothes should 'live' in our closet because I reorganized the closet to make them live there.  However, the fact that I even got you to hang up your clothes is winning in my book and I'll take it.
She knows how to load my pistol, turn the safety off, and where the trigger is....red means dead
This is true, but I still don't know if I'd ever use it.

She thinks of Cash like a human being and feels guilty when she has to leave him in the house for more than an hour or so
You obviously don't have a heart because you don't feel guilty leaving him.

She thinks Cash loves her more.....but we know the truth......he does

She secretly wants to be an auburn/red head, but I will not allow it
"I will not allow it"...um hilarious.

She has a picture from when she was Queen of the  madrigolds in high school that she hates and I love
See that blue dress in front, that's almost the exact same thing she's wearing in the picture, except she's at a large table with a boar's head in the middle of it. This will be shown at our wedding....deal with it
It was a privilege to be a part of the madrigals! There were tryouts and everything! 

She loves her momma, yes momma, not mother sometimes mother, mom, or Becky, more than anything else in this world, except for maybe Oscar it's momma by a nose. She loves him so much she is wearing a shirt from a gas station that is a mural dedicated to weenie dogs.....yea it's that bad
Seriously she's wearing that right now
Don't be jealous of my impecable style.

When she gets really excited she claps her hands like les miles except really quickly and usually followed by some sort of squeal or yell
No one gets your Les Miles reference, but yes I do clap my hands very fast. 

She is ridiculously obsessed with me you're delusional and will not get out of my house. She broke in one night and since she cooks and cleans I decided to let her stay 
You make me laugh.

If she ever became famous she would have a pink microphone that she took every where

She has love for terrible trash reality TV and literally hates every show that I like to watch
Thank the Lord for DVR or we'd be over.

She is a very good artist and crafts person, however the mess that is usually made while doing these activities stresses her out so she doesn't do them very often
Build me a craft room in our new 750,000 home and I'll craft all day.

She names every vehicle she encounters. 
They deserve names!

She personifies a number of ridiculous things
They allll deserve names!

She likes ugly, expensive dogs that have health problems. She wants to name these dogs things like Karl (with a K because my last name starts with a K- Side note she swears all our children will be named with a K because it has to match my last name. I believe it's because of a certain famous Armenian family that has now ruined the lives of my unborn children you're a Kardashian, John. Deal with it.) and Humphrey. She only likes dogs that are fat, obese, or morbidly overweight. 
Cash is beautiful, healthy, and has no health problems and I love him! SO there.

She loves comedies, she also has a ridiculous collection of movies 
In college my best friend and I would go to wal-mart at midnight to buy new releases. I miss college.

For someone who loves music so much she has a terrible knowledge of 80's and classic rock
Blame my parents... in like the 4th grade my friend gave me the "Space Jam" soundtrack and I had to throw it away because it wasn't 'Christian music'.

She couldn't tell you the last time she listened to a normal radio station (XM has changed her)
Best money spent.

She loves the sparkly champagne fireworks
Well, thats cute that you know that.

She will say she doesn't like something (food or activity) if she's never tried it because she's a dork
Well, I haven't tried it because I don't like it. Get it?

She hates that I am right about everything....I'm sorry if it's true
You're right about some things. You argue that you're right about everything.

She thinks that when she tells me to do something, I do it differently than what she asked just to piss her off..........and yes I absolutely do
Well this just makes you look rude. How dare you.

My emoticon on her phone is the tan guy in the turban....because she's a huge racist I am obviously middle eastern...naturally the one she chose for herself is the princess
This isn't racist...it's funny.

She knows that I think the egg plant emoticon is phallic...seriously look for yourself
All vegetables that are this shape look phallic... grow up, Peter Pan.

She hates that I walk around the house and brush my teeth...in particular she hates when I sit on the bed and brush them.....like she yells at me and beats me when I do this
UM...because it's weird and GROSS and I don't want to hear you brush those pearly whites. Vomit.

She is my best friend and I've come to like her, just a little bit
Awwww...boo! Yous my bess fran too :)

Finally, I am still waiting for her to ask me to marry her....she's such a cheapskate
Weird, we're waiting for the same thing! Samesies!

Now you know about our disfunction obvious love for one another. 


Courtney @ The Wags Daily said...

you guys are too cute! i think i hear wedding bells

Forever 23 said...

LOL. Way too cute! I agree with Courtney, wedding bells are ringing.

Amy Powell said...

ha ha! like the back/forth of you two there! so funny :)

<3 Amy

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Lauren said...

too fun! I just knew there would be a proposal at the end! :)